My little family!

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

August 19th - A day of Hope

If you are a baby loss Mother and have never been to check out
Carly Marie, go check out this amazing woman!!

"August 19th is about honouring and remembering the lives of babies and children that could not stay with us. By doing this we are speaking out about the death of babies whether it is through pregnancy, infant, or even child loss."

This is to honor my sweet baby I lost at 12 weeks.
I still think about you every day.
And, I still do, love and miss you more than words can say.
And I always will.

Love, your Mommy


Friday, August 19, 2011

345 Days...

When my sweet Colston Ance was born, I promised myself that each year I would write a letter to him for his birthday for him to read several years later.  About two weeks ago, I began writing his letter and think it's presentable for him to read some time down the road.  I am still in shock that his birthday is just 3 weeks around the bend.  It makes me so glad for him to be accomplishing this milestone, but so sad to know that I will have a 12 month old.  :o(  Anyway, here it goes:

My Sweet  Coast Man,

          As I sit here and gather my thoughts on your upcoming birthday, I am completely torn.  I am so happy to see you reaching all of your milestones and growing like a little boy should, but soo sad because Mommy’s baby boy isn’t such a baby boy anymore!! 
          A year ago I was 9 months pregnant, planning for you to make your arrival.  I was extremely huge, and most completely miserable.  All I remember is thinking what you were going to look like.  I never imagined you to be as beautiful as you are.  You have completely blew my images out of the water, son.  I pictured you to have dark brown hair, like mine, and sweet baby blues like your daddy.  I never once imagined you to have my eyes, and dirty blonde hair.  Oh how beautiful you turned out to be. 
          Before I ever held you in my arms, I was completely in love with you.  I fell in love the minute I saw you on that ultrasound machine, fell in love again when I knew you were a boy, and fell in love even more when I felt you move inside of my tummy.  It amazed me then by feeling you, and I am even more amazed how much joy you bring into my life. 
          After 22 ½ hours of labor and pushing for over an hour it was completely worth it the moment I held you in my arms, and saw your precious face.  You had me wrapped the moment I touched you, felt you, smelled your smell, and examined your every being just to make sure you were absolutely perfect.  I never even dreamed that time would fly by like it has. 
          In the last year you have brought so much joy and happiness to your Daddy & I.  It was such a busy busy year.  After you were born in September, I stayed home with you for 8 very short weeks.
          On November 1st I had to leave you to go back to work.  This wasn’t a very good day for Mommy, but I knew that I had to go back so I could give you all that you would ever want!! 
          Shortly after that, of course, Thanksgiving zoomed on by, and shortly after that was your first Christmas!!  You were 3 months and 16 days old.  You were such a sport opening all of those presents.  After your first Christmas it was obvious you were completely spoiled.
          Winter time was so cold this year, which is probably why you held so many colds and ear infections.  You practically stayed on antibiotics your first 5 months of your life.  On February 8th Mommy and Daddy decided to get tubes put into your ears.  That was one of the best decision we ever made.  You were a completely new kid after you woke up from the anesthesia.  I was so glad that it made you feel better. 
            The day after your tubes were put in, you rolled over for the first time. Seeing you accomplish your first of many big steps in your life made me the most proudest Momma!  Shortly after that, your bottom teeth came in, along with the one to the left of your bottom teeth.  A couple of months passed by before the others came along.
            The following month, 6 months to be exact, you were sitting up by yourself, as well as getting on all fours trying to learn how to crawl.  Each time you accomplished a mile stone, you did it so well, so quickly.  It was like you knew how to do it all along.  After you learned how to crawl you were pulling up on everything, which meant many Bo bo’s.  I do have to say that you are one tuff little cookie.  Many times you had fallen and bumped your head; I would never hear a word out of you.  Right around 6 months too, you came down with Rota virus.  You took it like the strong little boy you were and stayed very hydrated, and well.  I didn’t even have a clue you were that sick until I took you into the Dr.  I was so happy to know that the worse was over, and that all should end soon.
          By 8 months your two top teeth FINALLY broke the skin and came through along with the two on each side of your two front top teeth and the right tooth by your two bottom teeth.  I must say you are one CUTE 8 month old with 8 teeth!!  (You make Mommy Proud!!)  We took you to the Audubon Zoo for your first time too, and you absolutely had a blast.  We were gone all day long to the Zoo and the Aquarium, and you never cried not one time.  I was so proud of how well you did.
            9 Months came rolling along quite quick I might add, and off you go trying to attempt to walk.  You were so confident in yourself.. you would step a few times, then fall, step a few more times and fall.  By the time 10 months came along, you were a pro at walking, and loved it very well.
           10 months old.. Holy cow... Now it’s really hitting me that I’ll soon have a 1 year old.  This is when I get sad and glad.  I am having a blast planning your first birthday party, making it all that I can just so you can have the best birthday bash ever!!!!  This month you got another virus that scared Mommy and Daddy quite so.  You started running fever around 104 degrees, and I had never had to deal with that before.  We rushed you to the hospital just to make sure everything was going to be okay.  It took an entire week for you to get over the virus.  It really took a lot out of you to get over it.  I could tell my angel felt so bad.  L 
           Finally at 11 months old, Daddy and I finally conned you into sleeping in your own bed.  You were'nt too happy at first, but soon after you loved the idea.  You slept so much better, as well as Daddy and I.  I have to admit though, I miss snuggling with you at night.  Waking up to your most precious face in the morning times smiling back at me, playing with my hair, rubbing my face and patting my back.  You just make me smile. 
                     You know Son; I rocked you every single night for your bed time with a bottle of milk during your first 11 months of life.  I absolutely loved every minute of it, and wouldn’t change it for the world.  That is something that I can hold onto for eternity, and never let go of – that time.  Time that I chose to spend with you every minute of your sweet precious life.  That time was sooo short, but in reality, such a long time too.
            The bigger you get, the more difficult it’ll be to hold my baby and rock you to sleep.  But some way, some how, I’ll manage to rock you, till I can’t rock you anymore. 

Colston: I’ll love you forever; I’ll like you for always, as long as you’re living my baby you’ll be. 
I love you son more than you’ll ever know. 


Your very proud Ma-ma!!

These tears I'll cry, will be happy ones!!
Happy 1st Birthday Son!!!

                     8Months Pregnant with my Lil Ray of Sunshine!! 
                               First Time seeing my sweet baby boy.  The happiest day of my life!
                                                       Colston Ance 2 Weeks Old

                                                             Merry Christmas!  3 Months Old

                                                            Happy Easter!!  I'm 6 Months Old

                                                          9 Months Old

                                                                       10 Months Old

                                                                         11 Months Old
11 Months Old