I recently started reading an online series that TLC has produced called "A Conception Story". I was so caught off guard by what I read and saw (they created video recordings of their journey). Long story short, 5 women decided to become a part of this web series on TLC.com and document their journey to try to conceive. Obviously most of these women had difficulties in that department - I was very saddened for these ladies as they desperately strived to become with child. One of the 5 women, named Christina, really interested me. Her personality alike like mine - I guess drew me deeper to her.
When starting the show, Christina and her husband had been trying for 4 years if I remember correctly. Her history: She has had 2 miscarriages, and 3 IVF treatments. The hurt and agony that she went through, could only make me GREATFUL AND THANKFUL for the EASY path God decided to bring me down, when i lost ONLY one baby, at 12 weeks.
Sometimes we seem to think that we are the only ones gonig through this hard struggle in our lives, but the truth is, it's so overwhelming we can't focus on the reality of it. Atleast, that's my opinion. Anyhow. She has really drawn me to reality and realized just how much I have taken for granted. I know I am always preaching about taking things for granted, but I will be reading something of her's and be like Oh My God, I have something MANY MANY women strive for and yearn for, and never get it. Don't complain when you don't get enough sleep, don't complain because he is fighting his sleep, or crying non stop because of ear ache's or because his gums are hurting. Too many women out there would love to be up all hours of the night with a sleepless baby. Don't get me wrong - I wouldn't trade anything for my sleepless nights, but I do have a tendency to complain.
After becoming a follower on Christina's blog (curseofthechewedbuddha) - I saw another one of her followers named Mary, and my God did Mary inspire me. I can barely tell you about her life story without crying.
First, her personality is just so calm and pure, natural and real. I have no other possible way of describing this girl other than those four. She truly is an inspiration to me. Mary was 19 weeks 4 days and apparently she had to have an emergency delivery, or something tragic happened that caused her to have to deliver her Precious baby girl, Olivia, often reffered to Livi....
Baby Olivia didn't survive and died, one week before Mary's first Mother's Day and a Mommy. The strength that this sweet girl presents is simply amazing. She might not be as strong inside, who knows, but what is presentable to me is obvious.
After following these two ladies blog, and as emotional as it is, have cried so much reading each of them.
One of my co-workers became an uncle recently to a sweet baby boy Named Graycen. They were doing many fund raisers to help this baby boy, due to some issues presented to the family at birth. Hosted a blood drive, and all blood donated would be donated just for baby graycen. They even decided to creat these adorable t-shirts with CUTE fleur de lis's on the back and a few other designs that drew my eye to them, none the less they were to help save an innocent life.
Well I had been dragging my behind to get to my co-workers office to order a t-shirt. I walk in and say:
Me: Hey Frank, I've been meaning to send you an e mail to let you know I deffinitely want to order a shirt for Graycen, I just keet on forgetting.
Frank: He passed away yesterday.
Me: (Humiliated, Frusterated, Angry) What happened?\
Frank: They had a surgery, (Emergency) to repair internal bleeding, and he didn't make it.
Me: I am so sorry. Please send my sincere reguards to your family. (Tears pouring down my face)
I walked out of his office in just complete shock. The one thing I was doing though, was thanking God for giving me my son, and allowing me to have him for this long. You truly never know when it's your last moments with your child - for that I will forever be greatful.
Mary posted this poem on her Blog, and I wanted to share! Thank you Mary! Keep on shining Olivia's light, and keep on keeping her name alive!
Don't Tell Meby Judi Walker
Please don't tell me you know how I feel,
Unless you have lost your child too,
Please don't tell me my broken heart will heal,
Because that is just not true,
Please don't tell me my (daughter) son is in a better place,
Though it is true, I want (her) him here with me,
Don't tell me someday I'll hear (her) his voice, see (her) his face,
Beyond today I cannot see,
Don’t tell me it is time to move on,
Because I cannot,
Don’t tell me to face the fact (she) he is gone,
Because denial is something I can't stop,
Don't tell me to be thankful for the time I had,
Because I wanted more,
Don't tell me when I am my old self you will be glad,
I'll never be as I was before,
What you can tell me is you will be here for me,
That you will listen when I talk of my child,
You can share with me my precious memories,
You can even cry with me for a while,
And please don't hesitate to say (her) his name,
Because it is something I long to hear everyday,
Friend please realize that I can never be the same,
But if you stand by me, you may like the new person I become someday.
Please don't tell me you know how I feel,
Unless you have lost your child too,
Please don't tell me my broken heart will heal,
Because that is just not true,
Please don't tell me my (daughter) son is in a better place,
Though it is true, I want (her) him here with me,
Don't tell me someday I'll hear (her) his voice, see (her) his face,
Beyond today I cannot see,
Don’t tell me it is time to move on,
Because I cannot,
Don’t tell me to face the fact (she) he is gone,
Because denial is something I can't stop,
Don't tell me to be thankful for the time I had,
Because I wanted more,
Don't tell me when I am my old self you will be glad,
I'll never be as I was before,
What you can tell me is you will be here for me,
That you will listen when I talk of my child,
You can share with me my precious memories,
You can even cry with me for a while,
And please don't hesitate to say (her) his name,
Because it is something I long to hear everyday,
Friend please realize that I can never be the same,
But if you stand by me, you may like the new person I become someday.
This blog is dedicated to my Son. I love you Colston Ance... I'll be....
Reba McIntyre
I'll Be
When darkness falls upon your heart and soul.
I'll be the light that shines for you.
When you forget how beautiful you are
I'll be there to remind you.
When you can't find your way,
I'll find my way to you.
When troubles come around,
I will come to you.
I'll be your shoulder when you need someone to lean on.
Be your shelter.
When you need someone to see you through.
I'll be there to carry you.
I'll be there.
I'll be the rock that will be strong for you.
The one that will hold on to you.
When you feel that rain falling down.
When there's nobody else around.
I'll be.
And when you're there with no one there to hold.
I'll be the arms that reach for you.
And when you feel your faith is running low.
I'll be there to believe in you.
When all you find are lies.
I'll be the truth you need.
When you need someone to run to .
You can run to me
I'll be your shoulder when you need someone to lean on.
Be your shelter.
When you need someone to see you through.
I'll be there to carry you.
I'll be there.
I'll be the rock that will be strong for you.
The one that will hold on to you.
When you feel that rain falling down.
When there's nobody else around.
I'll be.
I'll be the sun.
When your heart's filled with rain.
I'll be the one.
To chase the rain away.
I'll be your shoulder when you need someone to lean on.
Be your shelter.
When you need someone to see you through.
I'll be there to carry you.
I'll be there.
I'll be the rock that will be strong for you.
The one that will hold on to you.
When you feel that rain falling down.
When there's nobody else around.
I'll be.
I'll be.
I'll be the light that shines for you.
When you forget how beautiful you are
I'll be there to remind you.
When you can't find your way,
I'll find my way to you.
When troubles come around,
I will come to you.
I'll be your shoulder when you need someone to lean on.
Be your shelter.
When you need someone to see you through.
I'll be there to carry you.
I'll be there.
I'll be the rock that will be strong for you.
The one that will hold on to you.
When you feel that rain falling down.
When there's nobody else around.
I'll be.
And when you're there with no one there to hold.
I'll be the arms that reach for you.
And when you feel your faith is running low.
I'll be there to believe in you.
When all you find are lies.
I'll be the truth you need.
When you need someone to run to .
You can run to me
I'll be your shoulder when you need someone to lean on.
Be your shelter.
When you need someone to see you through.
I'll be there to carry you.
I'll be there.
I'll be the rock that will be strong for you.
The one that will hold on to you.
When you feel that rain falling down.
When there's nobody else around.
I'll be.
I'll be the sun.
When your heart's filled with rain.
I'll be the one.
To chase the rain away.
I'll be your shoulder when you need someone to lean on.
Be your shelter.
When you need someone to see you through.
I'll be there to carry you.
I'll be there.
I'll be the rock that will be strong for you.
The one that will hold on to you.
When you feel that rain falling down.
When there's nobody else around.
I'll be.
I'll be.
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