August 19th - A day of Hope

If you are a baby loss Mother and have never been to check out

Carly Marie, go check out this amazing woman!!

"August 19th is about honouring and remembering the lives of babies and children that could not stay with us. By doing this we are speaking out about the death of babies whether it is through pregnancy, infant, or even child loss."

This is to honor my sweet baby I lost at 12 weeks.

I still think about you every day.

And, I still do, love and miss you more than words can say.

And I always will.

Love, your Mommy

 

345 Days...

When my sweet Colston Ance was born, I promised myself that each year I would write a letter to him for his birthday for him to read several years later.  About two weeks ago, I began writing his letter and think it's presentable for him to read some time down the road.  I am still in shock that his birthday is just 3 weeks around the bend.  It makes me so glad for him to be accomplishing this milestone, but so sad to know that I will have a 12 month old.  :o(  Anyway, here it goes:

My Sweet  Coast Man,


          As I sit here and gather my thoughts on your upcoming birthday, I am completely torn.  I am so happy to see you reaching all of your milestones and growing like a little boy should, but soo sad because Mommy’s baby boy isn’t such a baby boy anymore!! 

          A year ago I was 9 months pregnant, planning for you to make your arrival.  I was extremely huge, and most completely miserable.  All I remember is thinking what you were going to look like.  I never imagined you to be as beautiful as you are.  You have completely blew my images out of the water, son.  I pictured you to have dark brown hair, like mine, and sweet baby blues like your daddy.  I never once imagined you to have my eyes, and dirty blonde hair.  Oh how beautiful you turned out to be. 

          Before I ever held you in my arms, I was completely in love with you.  I fell in love the minute I saw you on that ultrasound machine, fell in love again when I knew you were a boy, and fell in love even more when I felt you move inside of my tummy.  It amazed me then by feeling you, and I am even more amazed how much joy you bring into my life. 

          After 22 ½ hours of labor and pushing for over an hour it was completely worth it the moment I held you in my arms, and saw your precious face.  You had me wrapped the moment I touched you, felt you, smelled your smell, and examined your every being just to make sure you were absolutely perfect.  I never even dreamed that time would fly by like it has. 

          In the last year you have brought so much joy and happiness to your Daddy & I.  It was such a busy busy year.  After you were born in September, I stayed home with you for 8 very short weeks.

          On November 1^st I had to leave you to go back to work.  This wasn’t a very good day for Mommy, but I knew that I had to go back so I could give you all that you would ever want!! 

          Shortly after that, of course, Thanksgiving zoomed on by, and shortly after that was your first Christmas!!  You were 3 months and 16 days old.  You were such a sport opening all of those presents.  After your first Christmas it was obvious you were completely spoiled.

          Winter time was so cold this year, which is probably why you held so many colds and ear infections.  You practically stayed on antibiotics your first 5 months of your life.  On February 8^th Mommy and Daddy decided to get tubes put into your ears.  That was one of the best decision we ever made.  You were a completely new kid after you woke up from the anesthesia.  I was so glad that it made you feel better. 

            The day after your tubes were put in, you rolled over for the first time. Seeing you accomplish your first of many big steps in your life made me the most proudest Momma!  Shortly after that, your bottom teeth came in, along with the one to the left of your bottom teeth.  A couple of months passed by before the others came along.

            The following month, 6 months to be exact, you were sitting up by yourself, as well as getting on all fours trying to learn how to crawl.  Each time you accomplished a mile stone, you did it so well, so quickly.  It was like you knew how to do it all along.  After you learned how to crawl you were pulling up on everything, which meant many Bo bo’s.  I do have to say that you are one tuff little cookie.  Many times you had fallen and bumped your head; I would never hear a word out of you.  Right around 6 months too, you came down with Rota virus.  You took it like the strong little boy you were and stayed very hydrated, and well.  I didn’t even have a clue you were that sick until I took you into the Dr.  I was so happy to know that the worse was over, and that all should end soon.

          By 8 months your two top teeth FINALLY broke the skin and came through along with the two on each side of your two front top teeth and the right tooth by your two bottom teeth.  I must say you are one CUTE 8 month old with 8 teeth!!  (You make Mommy Proud!!)  We took you to the Audubon Zoo for your first time too, and you absolutely had a blast.  We were gone all day long to the Zoo and the Aquarium, and you never cried not one time.  I was so proud of how well you did.

            9 Months came rolling along quite quick I might add, and off you go trying to attempt to walk.  You were so confident in yourself.. you would step a few times, then fall, step a few more times and fall.  By the time 10 months came along, you were a pro at walking, and loved it very well.

           10 months old.. Holy cow... Now it’s really hitting me that I’ll soon have a 1 year old.  This is when I get sad and glad.  I am having a blast planning your first birthday party, making it all that I can just so you can have the best birthday bash ever!!!!  This month you got another virus that scared Mommy and Daddy quite so.  You started running fever around 104 degrees, and I had never had to deal with that before.  We rushed you to the hospital just to make sure everything was going to be okay.  It took an entire week for you to get over the virus.  It really took a lot out of you to get over it.  I could tell my angel felt so bad.  L 

           Finally at 11 months old, Daddy and I finally conned you into sleeping in your own bed.  You were'nt too happy at first, but soon after you loved the idea.  You slept so much better, as well as Daddy and I.  I have to admit though, I miss snuggling with you at night.  Waking up to your most precious face in the morning times smiling back at me, playing with my hair, rubbing my face and patting my back.  You just make me smile. 

                     You know Son; I rocked you every single night for your bed time with a bottle of milk during your first 11 months of life.  I absolutely loved every minute of it, and wouldn’t change it for the world.  That is something that I can hold onto for eternity, and never let go of – that time.  Time that I chose to spend with you every minute of your sweet precious life.  That time was sooo short, but in reality, such a long time too.

            The bigger you get, the more difficult it’ll be to hold my baby and rock you to sleep.  But some way, some how, I’ll manage to rock you, till I can’t rock you anymore. 

Colston: I’ll love you forever; I’ll like you for always, as long as you’re living my baby you’ll be. 

I love you son more than you’ll ever know. 

Love,

Your very proud Ma-ma!!

These tears I'll cry, will be happy ones!!

Happy 1st Birthday Son!!!

                     8Months Pregnant with my Lil Ray of Sunshine!! 

                               First Time seeing my sweet baby boy.  The happiest day of my life!

              

                                                       Colston Ance 2 Weeks Old

                                                             Merry Christmas!  3 Months Old

                                                            Happy Easter!!  I'm 6 Months Old

                                                          9 Months Old

                                                                       10 Months Old

                                                                         11 Months Old

11 Months Old

Colston where are you eyes??

     Teaching babies "new" things and watching them learn is almost the best thing ever.  Seeing their little eyes light up with excitement just tops any oridinary ordeal.  Yesterday I began to ask Colston where are you eyes, show me your eyes, and I would point to mine, then point to his, and proceed with his nose and then mouth and then ears.  However, I decided to take a step back and just work on the eyes.  I must say it is the most adorable thing.. I know say, "Colston can you say eyes, show Momma where you eyes are!" and he'll say with an excited tone of voice "eyeee."  It really is the sweetest thing ever.
     Due to running, running, running, last weekend, and Chris' complaining, we decided we would just hang around the house for majority of the time.  We really got out of the house two times.  First, was Saturday am and we were going to a yardsale to check out the great deals that this lady had.  However, while browsing I happened to look down at my 10 mth old's ear and saw fluid draining from his right ear.  He got tubes put in when he was 4 mths old, and was the best decision I have ever made on behalf of his health.  Seeing the fluid really worried me, but more the less upset me. 
     After waiting gosh must have been 2 hours with a very overly tired little boy, the Dr. finally came in the room to see Coast man.  He  checked his ears and the tubes were both still in place, and open for fluid to pass through.  No sign of infection either.  GREAT!!  So he gave Colston his measly little antibiotic and we were on our way. 
     That afternoon I gave Colston his first round of antibiotic drops in his ear.  The following morning I gave him his second dose.  The third dose was due around lunch time.  I simply leaned him over to his side, let the three drops drip into his ear, and wham.. I have a histerical child!!   Suddenly he became enthralled with pain, and there was nothing me or his Daddy could do to calm him down.  It had me so upset.  I didn't think much of it, just thought maybe he was irritable and tired, so i ignored what happened and progressed to put him down for his nap.
     After he awoke, we got dressed to go to Nana's to have dinner.  He played fine, ate pretty well, and acted like he felt normal.  When we finally got back home it was time for bath, which he always loves.  Still was fine, layed him on the changing table lotioned him up, put his diaper on, and his pj's and turned him on his side to give his drops again.  What do ya know, histerics again!  Then, I really got upset.  I just didn't know what to do.  It must have taken an hour to calm my baby boy down, but soon after that hour he passed out and woke only once in the middle of the night.
     I called the ENT and he is switching his antibiotic to something a little stronger to try to knock out any infection, if there is any at all.  Pray for him in hopes that his ear trouble is healed real soon.
     Here is a few of my favorites from his photoshoot 2 weeks ago.  He is growing up so fast, and it truly breaks my heart!

Until Next Time,
Smile!

Almost 10 Months... SERIOUSLY??

     Holy Cow!  Would you look at my almost 10 month old baby boy.  I am usually NEVER certain of anything, but I AM certain that this little boy, that I call Son, has made me the most proud Mother I could possibly be.  I know people say it all of the time, but seriously - He was just handed to me after 22 1/2 hours of hard labor.... worth every minute!!  I am still in awe of him as I was the day I laid eyes on him...  and I certainly am in more love today than I was yesterday.  Never knew I could love him more and more, but I do. 

     Now that Colston is 2 days away from being the big 10 months... I wanted to document some things he was doing so I can keep record of it.  Of corse he says Mama, Dada, and the notorious Nana... & oh boy does he love his Nana.  When he isn't getting his way.. it's Nana, Nana, Nanana!  hahaha Which cracks me up!  How could a 10 month old know when things are going his way, he wants Nana -

• He has 8 teeth now - 4 on top and 4 on bottom.  SO CUTE!!
• He doesn't just cruise while holding onto something - he runs!  lol
• He takes steps without holding onto objects - but soon falls.
• He stands without holding onto something.
• Understands No (but doesn't always listen)  hehe
• Plays Patty Cake
• Waves Bye Bye
• Loves playing peek-a-boo with blankets/towels
• Feeds himself very well
• Drinks TONS of whole milk (still on formula though too)
• Loves, loves loves Cheetos
• Sleeps with Mommy & Daddy still (not the plan but I love every minute of it)
• Will let you know quickly what he wants/needs
• If you feed him something he doesn't like he'll shake his head back and forth profusely...
• LOVES LOVES LOVES AND LOVES to imitate people's gestures...
• Bath time is his favorite time of day...
• Currently in 18-24 month clothes, size 4 diaper and size 5 or 6 shoe.... :o(
• Is completely off of baby food
• Ear tubes are still in.. with NO problems... knock on wood!

     WOW.  Making that list makes me so sad.  It is completely amazing how fast babies grow.  I've always been told, but never ever understood.   
     On Friday, July 1, we took his 9 month pictures a little late, like 3 weeks late.  The weather wouldn't hold up well enough for us to get baby boy's pictures finished.  Anyhow... we finally got them finished.  They turned out fabulous!  He was such a big boy, and did so well!  Here's a few sneek peek's!

Let Me just start out by saying that BrittneyVioletPhotography was absolutely fabulous.  She first went to the beach with us, then to the lumber yard in down town BSL, then some old scenery in BSL then to the Crab Fest. and then back to the beach for us!  It was such a blast to have a nice photoshoot of little man again.  It had been such a long time since we had did this many pictures.  My favorite one (SO FAR)  is the one of him standing by the fence in the shed.  He's just so adorable and makes this Mommy so proud! 

Here are some more cute recent pictures of my baby boy!

Swingin'  - He loves to Swing!

On Our way home from the Water Park...

The Sea Lion Show.. He was so Intrigued by those animals!

Colston and Dada at the Crab Fest!

"Coast Man",

     My how 10 months have flown by.  I so wish it could slow down so much - but I think it's getting faster and faster.  Mommy's already starting to plan your first birthday bash!  You are going to have the most fun ever.. I can't wait for the big day! You  make me so proud, and I'm so glad to call you mine!  Seeing you reach all of your milestones puts a smile on my face.  I'm sad to see you grow so fast, but seeing you accomplish new things in life brings joy to my heart.  I can't wait to see the young man you turn into, but while I wait, I'll enjoy the sweet, chubby, chunky cheek little boy that God gave me!  Everyday I pray for you to be a respectful, honorable, humble, and godly man, and I know that you will! I hope you know that I love you Son... and that your proud to call me Mom! 

Happy 10 Months to you baby boy.

I love you with all my heart.

Mommy

I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always.

As long as your living,

My baby you'll be!

Epidermolysis Bullosa Awareness...

Last week I came across a blog from a girl, my age, that is from Ponchatula, LA.  She has a baby with a very rare disease that just makes this little sweet heart's life, just complete misery.  I am going to try to start collecting donations at work, and from friends of mine as well.  I am just drawn to this Young Mother's story about her baby boy Tripp.  He was given 1 year of life expectancy, and has lived for two.  He is still fighting for his every breath.  His disease is called Junctional Epidermolysis Bullosa, research it, because it is one that we, as parents need to become more familiar with. 
This terrible disease causes blisters, all over his body, to form any time there is the least bit of friction on his skin.  Blisters that are bubbles that have to be popped.  He has to wear special diapers because his little hinney can't stand normal diapers, his bum is completely raw, just open flesh.  Try taking a bath like that, much less with all of the other blisters all over his legs, stomach, feet, neck, face, head, ears, fingers, mouth throat, etc.  His little fingers dont' have nail beds, but instead has blisters where his nails should have been.  Can't eat becaue blisters consume his mouth completely - so the only other option was to put in a feeding tube, and shortly after a feeding tube was put in, he had to have a trach because his esaphagus was completely covered in blisters as well, and was causing him lack of breath. 
My point in bringing this up is not only to bring awareness to this terrible disease, but to try and raise some money for Courtney Roth and her baby boy Tripp.  My heart just goes out to them.  :o(  I know sometimes people aren't financially able to give, but when that situation arises, prayers are the best gift of all.  Plesae keep this family in your prayers.  Her blog will be listed below.  If you feel led to donate money to this family  you can send it to:
                              Courtney and Tripp Roth
                               PO Box 216
                               Ponchatoula, LA 70454

If you would like to mail me the the check instead so I can send all of the money in a lump sum make the checks payable to Courtney or Tripp Roth, so it can be deposited into his fund account, that helps support all of his medical bills that arise with JEB. 
E-mail me to get my address.... chelsea.head@ymail.com
I am going to print flyers and hang a few at work, and maybe a couple at a few local stores as well.  I plan to contact her at the end of june and let her know what I have gathered to donate for her.  Every person that donates SOMETHING, I will send her a list of names so she personally knows who all wanted to help her precious baby boy. 

Blog: http://randycourtneytripproth.blogspot.com/

Here are a couple pictues to open your eyes to what this precious baby boy has to deal with every day of his little life!

Tripp 1 Month

Tripp 1 Year

Tripp Now

See what this horrible disease has done

to this poor baby???

Even if it is 5 dollars, that is better than him having nothing!  E-mail me on here, or you can message me on facebook.  Either way, she would be ever so appreciative!

Thank you, and may God pour out his blessing on this family!

-SMILE-

Zoo Who??

Last weekend, we took Baby boy to The Audubon Zoo and the Aquarium of the Americas in New Orleans, LA.  It was an absolutely beautiful day - couldn't have been better planned.  Colston enjoyed himself so much, and just loved each animal.  He did though have issues focusing in on the animals that were off in the distant, I guess his eyes aren't strong enough to see that far.  Who knows?? 
This weekend, Colston did so many things for his first time! 
Such As:  Rode a Carosel for the first time, Saw many many animals for the first time, stopped taking his bottle and is drinking out of a sippy cup full time now, First time out of the state of MS, first time ordering him something to eat from a restaurant, and that's all I can think of now!
Here are some pictures we took on our trip.

Gettin' ready to see the Animals!

Colston and Da Da

The Children's Petting Zoo

The Petting Zoo

I know it's hard to see, but he was laughing histerical!

So Cute!

Sunday of corse was Easter Sunday.  I had big plans of taking my sweet boy swimming in my Mom and Dad's pool for the first time, but the weather had other plans!

We did get to put him in the hot tub, turned on a luke warm temp, and let him play in the water for a little while.  What do ya know, Monday AM he wakes up stuffy.  I think his little Cold is just now getting better, thank Goodness, maybe I can start getting some sleep again!

Here are some Easter Weekend pictures.

Easter Sunrise Service Breakfast

The Easter Bunny sure was good to Colston

He got so many goodies!

First time to get in a pool.

Even though it was freezing, he loved it!

Little video of him playing in the water.

This is the life!

Look at my Alligator Mom!

(We bought it at the Zoo)

Big Eyes!

My hubby left Wednesday to go to work in North MS, where all of the tornado's broke loose in that terrible storm that swept through North East MS, onto Northern Alabama, where the death toll is steady rising.  Chris said the devistation is like the coast was when Hurricane Katrina hit us full force.  Still hard for me to wrap my mind around just a storm being able to do so much damage.  Anyhow, he said when it looks like he is making leadway, they move onto another area, and it's worse than where they just were. 

So proud of him, and his hard work that he is giving to help these people get their lives back in "order".

I sincerely am praying for each family that was affected these last few days, and will continue to do so.

Since Chris is working out of town, and his expected date to return is unknown, I am taking Colston on his first road trip today.  We are going to see Aunt Jo, Uncle Paul, Sarah, Clay, and Morgan.  If I have to hear Josi wine about not going to her house another day, I'll scream.  So I figured I'd take advantage of it, and to go her house this weekend.  I am so stoked and excited to be able to go spend some time with them.  Since Colston is growing so much, I knwo Sarah will be excited to play with Colston.  The bigger he gets, the more she loves him.

I'll post pictures of my weekend trip when I get back.  Have a safe and Happy weekend!

*SMILE*



Greatfullness & Thankfulness.....

As I sit and write this blog, I am listening to "Take my life" by Scott Underwood. 
I recently started reading an online series that TLC has produced called "A Conception Story".  I was so caught off guard by what I read and saw (they created video recordings of their journey).  Long story short, 5 women decided to become a part of this web series on TLC.com and document their journey to try to conceive.  Obviously most of these women had difficulties in that department - I was very saddened for these ladies as they desperately strived to become with child.  One of the 5 women, named Christina, really interested me.  Her personality alike like mine - I guess drew me deeper to her. 
When starting the show, Christina and her husband had been trying for 4 years if I remember correctly.  Her history:  She has had 2 miscarriages, and 3 IVF treatments.  The hurt and agony that she went through, could only make me GREATFUL AND THANKFUL for the EASY path God decided to bring me down, when i lost ONLY one baby, at 12 weeks. 
Sometimes we seem to think that we are the only ones gonig through this hard struggle in our lives, but the truth is, it's so overwhelming we can't focus on the reality of it.  Atleast, that's my opinion.  Anyhow.  She has really drawn me to reality and realized just how much I have taken for granted.  I know I am always preaching about taking things for granted, but I will be reading something of her's and be like Oh My God, I have something MANY MANY women strive for and yearn for, and never get it.  Don't complain when you don't get enough sleep, don't complain because he is fighting his sleep, or crying non stop because of ear ache's or because his gums are hurting.  Too many women out there would love to be up all hours of the night with a sleepless baby.  Don't get me wrong - I wouldn't trade anything for my sleepless nights, but I do have a tendency to complain. 
After becoming a follower on Christina's blog (curseofthechewedbuddha) - I saw another one of her followers named Mary, and my God did Mary inspire me.  I can barely tell you about her life story without crying. 
First, her personality is just so calm and pure, natural and real.  I have no other possible way of describing this girl other than those four.  She truly is an inspiration to me.  Mary was 19 weeks 4 days and apparently she had to have an emergency delivery, or something tragic happened that caused her to have to deliver her Precious baby girl, Olivia, often reffered to Livi....
Baby Olivia didn't survive and died, one week before Mary's first Mother's Day and a Mommy.  The strength that this sweet girl presents is simply amazing.  She might not be as strong inside, who knows, but what is presentable to me is obvious. 
After following these two ladies blog, and as emotional as it is, have cried so much reading each of them. 
One of my co-workers became an uncle recently to a sweet baby boy Named Graycen.  They were doing many fund raisers to help this baby boy, due to some issues presented to the family at birth.  Hosted a blood drive, and all blood donated would be donated just for baby graycen.  They even decided to creat these adorable t-shirts with CUTE fleur de lis's on the back and a few other designs that drew my eye to them, none the less they were to help save an innocent life. 
Well I had been dragging my behind to get to my co-workers office to order a t-shirt.  I walk in and say:
Me:  Hey Frank, I've been meaning to send you an e mail to let you know I deffinitely want to order a shirt for Graycen, I just keet on forgetting. 
Frank:  He passed away yesterday.
Me:  (Humiliated, Frusterated, Angry)  What happened?\
Frank:  They had a surgery, (Emergency) to repair internal bleeding, and he didn't make it.
Me:  I am so sorry.  Please send my sincere reguards to your family.  (Tears pouring down my face)

I walked out of his office in just complete shock.  The one thing I was doing though, was thanking God for giving me my son, and allowing me to have him for this long.  You truly never know when it's your last moments with your child - for that I will forever be greatful. 

Mary posted this poem on her Blog, and I wanted to share!  Thank you Mary!  Keep on shining Olivia's light, and keep on keeping her name alive! 

Don't Tell Meby Judi Walker

Please don't tell me you know how I feel,
Unless you have lost your child too,
Please don't tell me my broken heart will heal,
Because that is just not true,
Please don't tell me my (daughter) son is in a better place,
Though it is true, I want (her) him here with me,
Don't tell me someday I'll hear (her) his voice, see (her) his face,
Beyond today I cannot see,
Don’t tell me it is time to move on,
Because I cannot,
Don’t tell me to face the fact (she) he is gone,
Because denial is something I can't stop,
Don't tell me to be thankful for the time I had,
Because I wanted more,
Don't tell me when I am my old self you will be glad,
I'll never be as I was before,
What you can tell me is you will be here for me,
That you will listen when I talk of my child,
You can share with me my precious memories,
You can even cry with me for a while,
And please don't hesitate to say (her) his name,
Because it is something I long to hear everyday,
Friend please realize that I can never be the same,
But if you stand by me, you may like the new person I become someday.

This blog is dedicated to my Son.  I love you Colston Ance... I'll be....

Reba McIntyre

I'll Be

When darkness falls upon your heart and soul.
I'll be the light that shines for you.
When you forget how beautiful you are
I'll be there to remind you.
When you can't find your way,
I'll find my way to you.
When troubles come around,
I will come to you.

I'll be your shoulder when you need someone to lean on.
Be your shelter.
When you need someone to see you through.
I'll be there to carry you.
I'll be there.
I'll be the rock that will be strong for you.
The one that will hold on to you.
When you feel that rain falling down.
When there's nobody else around.
I'll be.

And when you're there with no one there to hold.
I'll be the arms that reach for you.
And when you feel your faith is running low.
I'll be there to believe in you.
When all you find are lies.
I'll be the truth you need.
When you need someone to run to .
You can run to me

I'll be your shoulder when you need someone to lean on.
Be your shelter.
When you need someone to see you through.
I'll be there to carry you.
I'll be there.
I'll be the rock that will be strong for you.
The one that will hold on to you.
When you feel that rain falling down.
When there's nobody else around.
I'll be.

I'll be the sun.
When your heart's filled with rain.
I'll be the one.
To chase the rain away.

I'll be your shoulder when you need someone to lean on.
Be your shelter.
When you need someone to see you through.
I'll be there to carry you.
I'll be there.
I'll be the rock that will be strong for you.
The one that will hold on to you.
When you feel that rain falling down.
When there's nobody else around.
I'll be.
I'll be.