Just one moment...

Today is Day 9 of the challenge.  The topic is "A moment in your day."

 

This "moment" was actually taken several days ago, however at least one moment or two our EVERY day is spent like this, swinging in a hammock or swinging on his swing set.  This boy LOVES to swing, and I love even more that I get to do it with him. <3

 

 

 

 

 

Loving the small stuff...

Welp.  Today's Day 8,  for blog every.single.day.in.May.challenge over @ Story of my Life! 
Today's topic is "A piece of advice you have for others.  Anything at all."  You guys, this one is kinda hard for me.... it took me a while to ponder this topic too.

But the more I thought about it, the one "big" thing that kept coming to me was appreciating the ones you love.  I'm sure your thinking, well I do?  However, While this topic could be very broad I'm sure, mine is on a much smaller level.  "Taking things for granted."  Such as love, relationships, family, normalcy. 

Long story short, my older sister, Chantelle, is 37 years old, and a drug addict.  I never EVER imagined her taking this path in life.  Why would I, she was a normal wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend to many. 

Looking back past this stage of her life, our relationship was so precious to me, but taken for granted so very much. I just always assumed she would live in her dream home, with her 3 beautiful children, and husband, and would always be there for me and like wise me there for her.  Little did I know 1 decision would alter her life for forever, and rock mine, and my family's lives to the center core. 

Having a drug user in your family is so hard, so emotional, and definitely SO un-predictable. 

Monumental choices have been made in my personal family that I never thought I would have to do, but it's my job as a Mother, and my husbands as a spouse, to make the best decision for US, for my two year old son.  Cutting all ties with her was the hardest things I'd have to do, but I did, because it was better for MY family.  I think it helps me to not see her like "that," too. 

I say all of these things for one reason. TRULY appreciate what you have: relationships, family, love, siblings, laughter, friendships, etc.  It could really be gone in a matter of seconds.  If I could only go back and hold onto every conversation, every hug, every tear, every kiss on the cheek, every minute we spent together, the birth of her youngest baby boy, time spent growing up.  It means the world to me, and until she chooses her family over using, then that's all I have to hold on to. 

I miss her like crazy,
& I  love her more than she'll ever know,
& I always, always will.

Xoxo

One of our many many days spent together. 2008

Me, Chantelle, and Josi  Spending the weekend with me after my miscarriage.  2009

 

Christmas 2009

Momma and Chantelle Christmas 2009

March 2010; Niece's 1st Birthday

My baby Boy Colston with Aunt Telle; March 2011

 

 

 

The thing(s) I'm most afraid of.....

Yea yea.  Today is Day 7, and I've managed to get in 5 (if you count today) blog post out of 7, for blog everyday in May challenge: not too shabby for me I shall say.  It's not as hard as I thought it would, and I've really enjoyed it, it's just remembering to do it!  Hah!  (Although I might add I had a post scheduled for Sunday but didn't post...whatev)

 

Today's topic is a thing, or thing(s) that I'm most afraid of.  I could go really broad on this topic and list a bazillion things that I'm petrified of rats, snakes, roaches, riding a horse, falling in a really deep hole, and soo soo much more, but there is one thing that really scares me to my core.. and that is losing someone that I love, more than life alone, my son. 

 

You know, after I lost my baby back in September of 09', I very quickly conceived again in December 09', and found out about 3 weeks later, literally.  Going through my first trimester was just terrifying and I feared each time I went to the rest room that I would see spots of blood, likewise before, and thankfully I never did.  Second trimester very slowly rolled around, and I was still just a terrified as I was in the first, because I miscarried the first week of my the second trimester. I constantly went to get ultrasounds just to make sure his heart was still beating away, it kind of became an obsession with making sure I was growing a live baby.  Still, with the third trimester, was very worrisome.  It was a tad bit easier not to worry as much because I lived for each kick, and each movement.  If the kicking wasn't happening when it usually did, insert panic mode.  You know, my opinion, you don't think about these kind of things until you have a baby loss, then it just consumes your thoughts.

 

FINALLY September 10' rolled around and we welcomed our 8.2 lb baby boy.. and life truly hasn't been the same... but I can't say that I still don't fear that something would happen to him.  The first week of November 10' he had just turned 8 weeks, and it was my first weekend off back to work.  It was Friday night, and we were doing our night time routine.  I was bathing him, and he spit up some of his formula, and in the process of trying to get it up, he aspirated some, and immediately turned pale, and very blue, and was completely lethargic.  Insert panic mode.  All I could think was not again, I can not go through this again.  I very vividly remember yelling and pleading with God for my baby's life in the car ride all the way to the hospital.  He very quickly came to and got his color back and was completely fine, but still after 2 years and 8 months I still worry about his life, I think that's part of being a mom, but I think it's also part of being a baby loss mother, too. 

 

His First ER trip when he had aspirated.

 

 

 

 

My Favorite Quote...

Linking up with Story of my life Blog for 31 days of blogging in May..  If you forgot about it, or are just wanting to join in feel free to click on the link above!

Today's topic is "Your favorite Quote."

You know, I have several quotes that I can undoubtedly say that I love, but one that just pulls my heart strings, and hits home base with me is one I have read since losing my baby.  A baby that was taken from me and my husband way too soon.  A baby that I'll forever miss, and forever want.  A baby that I'll forever wonder what he/she looked like.  A baby that is forever on my frontal lobe. 

Since that God awful day, in September of 2009, we have since been blessed with another baby.  A baby that made me fulfill my dream of being a Momma.  My sweet Colston Ance that came just in time gave us a purpose and a hope.  Our boy.  If he only knew how bad we needed him, and just how bad we wanted him. 

A baby born after a loss is referred to  a "rainbow baby," and if your wondering why.. well here ya go.

The following quote reads "It is understood that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of any storm.  When a rainbow appears, it does not mean that the storm never happened or that we are not still dealing with it's aftermath, it means that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds.  Storm clouds may still hover, but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and HOPE."  -Small Birds Studio

It says it all. Period.

 

 

 

 

Things that make me uncomfortable....

Here we are, at day 3 with the blog every day in May challenge.  Today's topic is "Things that make me uncomfortable."  While brainstorming for this I've realized that there isn't much, but what few things I'll talk about.

1.  The first thing I can think about that makes me feel uncomfortable is being put in a situation, or conversation with something that I adamantly disagree with.  What makes it even worse is when it's just not appropriate to speak up about it.  I'm sure through the looks of my eyes, and gestures that they probably get the point, however I'm an extravert and what I think MUST be verbally said!  lol

2.  Second, Public speaking.  I hate, hate, hate having to speak out to a crowd of people, where all the attention is on me.  I do not like being center of attention, at all.  What's strange about it is I'm very outgoing, just not in dead front center of several people.  Needless to say speech in high school, and oral communications in college were not my favorite class. 

3.  Third, and from what I can think of, last, is using public restrooms.  It nearly makes my skin crawl when I think about how germy, and nasty those places are.  I've seen myself leave places, just because I had to use the restroom so badly, and couldn't bare to use the restroom... sometimes it's not that bad... It never fails, when me and my family is out in public my child has to use the restroom... and as many times as I've restrained his tiny little hands from touching the toilet paper dispenser, or toilet seat for that matter, the second I let go his hands go right where I just verbally told him not to touch.... can we say NASTY, GROSS, DISCUSTING!  Iccckkkk

I think that's it for now....

Educatin' You!

Today is day 2 of blog everyday in May challenge.  Today's challenge is to "Educate us on something you know a lot about or something you are really good at.  Can be completely serious, or completely funny and sarcastic."

I sat and thought about this one for a while, and the one thought that continued to come back to me was cooking.  Cooking new, and challenging recipes really interest me.  I do not like to continuously cook the same food over and over.  While I do like to repeat some items here and there, doing it continuously just bores me, and I certainly don't like to be bored.  Good food is the best kind there is.... and that makes me happy happy happy, as well as my family of coarse. 

I'm not going to sit and educate you on how to cook, because let's be honest everyone has their own opinions on how to cook certain items, however I am going to list a few links of SOME of my favorite items I have cooked, which are on my blog already.


Seafood Eggplant Caserole

Broccoli Salad

Quiche


There's a few that I've really enjoyed cooking.  Enjoy!!
Side Note: While I have a bazillion cook books, I get 95% of my recipe's from Pinterest, now, of course that it exist.  Feel free to follow me on Pinterest!

250 Words

Today begins the blog every day in May challenge.  The Topic for today is "the story of your life in 250 words or less."  Not so sure this is going to be possible, but I'm certainly going to give it a biiiig shot!

Hello 1980's!!!

 

 

I was born in Gulfport, MS in 1986.  The summer before I started kindergarten, our home burned to the ground, just a day after my Mom went school clothes shopping for me and two of my sisters.  I have 4 sisters, 3 living, and 1 passed away. I am the baby of my family. I have 8 nieces & nephews, and 1 great niece.  I married my husband in 2008.  In 2009 we lost a baby that rocked us to our core.  Baby loss is something I'll always have to reckon with.  2010 was a great year.  We found out we were expecting our baby boy, and September of that year, we welcomed him into our family with open arms.  I am a full time working Mom.  We have 2 dogs, Addie & Onnie.  Addie is 10 pounds, and Onnie is 100 pounds.  Both are inside dogs.  I still live in the same "city" that I grew up in, if you wish to even call it a city.  More like country.  The school me and my husband attended, our son will also attend.  Also, just for reference, my husband and I never knew one another in school, and graduated 2 years apart. My sister, whom of which was by best friend, and is no longer - is a drug addict.  I say this because it has help define me as a wife, mother, sister, daughter, and aunt.  It has changed me for the better because I see just how precious life truly is...

 

 

 

Side Note: Yes I know that very lengthy paragraph, which is full of run-on's is alllll over the place.. but I just went on a whim and wrote it with out editing it at all, because after all it was on my heart.